Hey! Been a long time na din ha! Hoot! Second year! :|

Well. Just dropped by to say...PEOPLE SUCK. DIE!!! Argh. I dislike so many people right now. For like once their life, will they just shut the hell up?! Aaah! Samuk dyud sila. :| Thankfully, I have the ear of my dear friend, Macey and the arm of my adviser as my punching bag. Moving on...

I won't be posting here much since I use my Multiply account. Erm. It's better there eh. :)

USR ROCKS!

hoot!

Yun lang. I'm too gay to actually post. 

Byebye.

Sorry for the randomness. =)

current mood: crazy

Yes. I am no longer emo. Why?

1. I am happy with life. Nothing significant happened to me. But I realized that life is too damn short to be emo.

2. Emo is not an attitude. It is a genre. I was so stupid. It's a genre people. So stop pretending.

3. Wrong impressions to "emos".

4. Posers. Yes. I hate posers.

That's all folks!

PEACE && LOVE!

<3

current mood: happy

Tell me how can I possibly forgive what you've done? Tell me how can I forget the many times you've left me hanging? Tell me how I can trust you again? Tell me how I can call you my bestfriend?
I feel like a rag, an overly-used rag. I feel like a bubblegum, chew on them and then throw them.  I feel like trash, useless piece of crap.
I'm not gonna pretend that what you did did not dissapoint me one bit.
There's only one problem to this whole disapointment drama. And that's I didn't read your text message. That's my fault but don't you think that this mattered to me? The only chance after months of not seeing each other. 
I'm not gonna elaborate more because we haven't talked to each other yet. 
Now, I ask you again, tell me how?

It's been so long since I updated this thing. Been busy with summer. hihi. =D

Updates on what happened this summer:

1. I've been visiting the gym for 2 weeks before I went to Manila.

2. I've been closer to my cousin (mother-side) since April 24 (?) for some reason I can not furthur explain.

3. I've had my hair cut 2 inches and had it layered.

4. I've had my iPod GMasked.

Tomorrow, we're going to leave for Davao. Bummer. I'm loving it here in Manila already! Time's fast here. I'll miss my cousins, the malls and the very long nightlife I have.

But then, there are people waiting for me in Davao. I still have a lot to do before school starts. =(

school starts. argh. Why can't it be summer all year long? Or can I just pass the 2nd yr and move on to the 3rd? But still, I can't wait to meet my classmates and see my friends again. O yeah, the lateral and the first-years. Hope that the lateral will be a boy and that the first-year guys will be cute. haha. Corruption of minors.

What I learned from my cousins (mother-side) this summer:

1. Lance has this big smile that can melt your heart away. Very irrisistable.

2. Xtian's 5 years old. haha. I'm sorry for being a bad cousin. I just don't know! I thought he was 3 years old!

3. Paul is very dependent and looks up to his big bro, John.

4. Steph really likes living in Manila without her parents.

5. Sophia is thinner than my sister, Abi.

6. John is really funny.

7. Patrick can be a little full of himself.

8. Ate Aima may be shy but she's still very talkative.

9. Kuya Mark is vain.

We are only 13 in the Alasaas side and that makes it easier for us to bond. Like, playing cards, modelling, dancing, swimming, PBB 2, late night talks, midnight dance parties, sliding down the stairs and so much more. I've never really expected this kind of bond would happen. I mean, I have always been used to saying that I'm closer to my father-side cousins since I practically grew up with them. But now, it's really different. Which one to choose? 

My father-side cousins are those that I grew up with. Sleepovers, SCQ and so much more. I have been used to them so much that when I go to their house, we never have the awkward jitters in our stomach. We talk, play and some more talking. But of course, I'm talking about those that are in my generation. Not those much older.

O well, I'm glad no one asked me on who I choose. As long as I have them, I'll keep them. Lol. That doesn't makes sense. =))

It's Holy Week so I've been stuck here in my house since forever. Hahaiii. Honestly, I don't get it why we should just stay in our house. 

According to my sisters, it's to pay respect to Jesus' suffering in the cross. But do we really suffer when we have everything we need and more in our house? Computer, TV, Internet, Online Games, Aircon, Food, etc. Is that suffering? I don't think so. But I am still VERY against those who party in beaches. Damn. They take advantage this week because there's no work. tsk. tsk.

According to my mom, it's dangerous. Many have had accidents during Holy Week. I guess, that's true. But I ain' that paranoid.

So I guess anong use ng pagstay sa bahay if we don't suffer at all? Real Christians should pray this Holy Week. Hindi yung pakita-kita lang na they're giving respect. It's like going to Church and then, not listening and ultimately, fall asleep. So why go to Church then? So that you can say that you go there and people are gonna say that you're a good Christian.

I guess I don't really understand what Filipinos do to celebrate Holy Week because I don't really know what's happening everyday to Jesys of that Holy Week. And that's my lost. =( At least I'm honest about it. ; ) Kudos to those who do know and celebrating it the way it should be! =))

Obviously, you know what I mean. And I'd like to talk about it. It sickens me how it's so dirty. Let's say that every candidate is sincere. Hard to believe but just try to. Then, their in position. What happens? The loser accuses the winner of cheating. O common! This always happens. Can't they just help each other? Remember, you don't need to be in position to actually help the people. The winner, cheated or didn't, continues his promises. After a few months, after realizing the power they have, especially those who are first-timers, they begin to corrupt. Simple math? I'm not saying that every politician is like this. It's just that we, as citizens, don't know who exactly are true and sincere. So what are we to do? This is a question even the smartest can not answer. Impeachment? What's Obviously, you know what I mean. And I'd like to talk about it. It sickens me how it's so dirty. Let's say that every candidate is sincere. Hard to believe but just try to. Then, their in position. What happens? The loser accuses the winner of cheating. O common! This always happens. Can't they just help each other? Remember, you don't need to be in position to actually help the people. The winner, cheated or didn't, continues his promises. After a few months, after realizing the power they have, especially those who are first-timers, they begin to corrupt. Simple math? I'm not saying that every politician is like this. It's just that we, as citizens, don't know who exactly are true and sincere. So what are we to do? This is a question even the smartest can not answer. Impeachment? That's not always the solution.

Manny P? Cesar Montano? Richard Gomez? Who's next? Madam Auring? Manny P? Wtf were he thinking?! He has a boxing career for pete's sake! He's not meant for politics! Damn! He has the money. And yet, he doesn't have the ability  and intelligience to lead and be a Congressman. I ain't even sure if he knows the Consitution or if there ever was one! When he wins this elections, I'll truly believe that Filipinos have lost their minds. Cesar Montano? What's up with the commercial?! What does an entertainment award gotta do with the Senate and politics?! Damn. Richard Gomez? They just said that they don't have enough funds for the campaign. Are they stupid or what?! Hello! You need at least 50M to campaign. And as th election day comes, the more money you spend. Didn't they realize this?! A possible politician who'll corrupt. Why? Damn. He just said it in National TV. He needs money. Where to get the money? From the Pork Barrel of course! Which leads me to my 3rd topic, Pork Barrel.

Pork Barrels are given to Politicians for their projects and such. Stealing comes with the "and such". Senates, according to our Social Science 1 teacher, don't earn much from their salary alone. Same goes for the President. Which is my 4th topic, President.

Our President, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, will end her term in 3 years time but many are still filing impeachment cases against her because of supposedly cheating on the last 2004 elections. Can't they just get over it? If she did cheat, the Philippines is doing fine. Isn't that what matters? O yah, Pro-FPJ activists, he's dead and get over it. My 5th topic, Pro-FPJ activists.

It sucks how they think that what they're doing is what FPJ could have wanted. Justice. And yet, that doesn't make sense to me. Why? Justice can wait for the betterment of our country. Instead of protesting and wasting your time filing impeachment cases, be a better citizen. FPJ could have wanted that more. His supporters being better citizens.

This was actually suppose to be longer but I clicked a button, then *woosh!*, I lost everything. I'm not 18 yet the politics really concern me.

At least I'm concern, unlike those who are legible to vote but don't even know, up to this point, who to vote.

Next topic will be about Filipinos who lost faith to our country. Magbrainstorm ulit ako bukas! 

P.S. I think I'm becoming a nationalist. =))

I haven't thought of any emo entries recenlty. Lol.

I find this summer boring. As in really boring.
I'm not doing anything but stay in our house. 
Gaaad.
I'm a prisoner in my own house?
haha.
O well. 
April is Manila time. Yay!

Crying is something that I do.
It doesn't show my weakness.
It shows my strength.
My strength to give it all out.
unlike cowards who keep it all in.

Crying holds me back from reality.
And sometimes, that's a good thing.
At least, for a minute or two, I'm no one, no where.
No worries. No stresses. No anything.

Crying is a sign that I am  in need.
In need of a person who can listen to me.
who can comfort me.
but most of all.
wake me up from fantasy.

Waha! Thought of one lang. Yah know, I think I'm preparing myself for ADMU. Lol. Kasi you have to be a good writer to get in. Just practicing my writing skills.

I'm numb to the pain. 
No matter how much I should be feeling it. 

Yes, I know it's painful.
But that's just knowing.
I never do feel it. 

It's so sad that everything that happened to me led me to this.
One unfeeling robot walking and thinking like a real person.

I just hope that somewhere someday there would be a person who would make me feel again.
Family, friend, lover(wtf?! lol). 
It doesn't matter.

As long as they'd bring back hope to my dark soul, so that I'll learn how to feel again.

There was one time. I think it was last month. February. The month of love. 
My bestfriend was a cutter. I never really owned one. But my friends did. 

I sliced it through my skin. Like it was a precious toy I long to have. 
But I never really put pressure on it too much because I was afraid that there would be a lot of blood that would pour out. 
Although, there was still little blood coming out.

It was blood I was scared of. Not the pain.

Back to the "There was one time".
I sliced it on the back of my hand. Trying to form an X.
I was so frustrated because it wouldn't bleed. 
It would just turn red.
I guess, I placed too much pressure and caused it to have a "peklat".
It was now marked.
It was a slanting line.
Not an X.
I wanted to make it an X.
So, I sliced the other side.
Again, with much pressure, it marked and now formed a V.

I am numb.
Can you make me feel again?

P.S. Another emo-moment lang yan. Lol. Reflection ko lang with the song, Someday by Nina.

current mood: numb

My first-year fairytale is now over. It had an happy ending. Although, I'm not so sure with the others.

Thank you 1-Diamond for one hell of a school year. I had fun. I could not have picked a better classmates/adviser/room than you.

Thank you Ma'am Leggy for all your patience. Every Pisayer knows how patient she is and how understanding too. So, it is my pleasure to be one of the few who became your students.

Thank you my fellow Mondies. I had so many memories with you guys. 

This entry should have been longer but sadly I left our PC last night on and my mother switched it off without me, posting it. Buti na lang at may other entry pa ako sa Multiply which had the same 1st 4 paragraphs. :))

*Back to Topic*

My fairytale is over. I can't believe na everything ended yesterday. I never even realized that it was a fairytale until I tried to reflect on everything that happened this year. Because for me back then, I hated every lab report and quizzes given. But if you compare it to the 2nd yr's life, 1st yr life is a fairytale.

My fairytale was an emotional roller coaster. 

Betrayed a lot. 
Yet accepted so much. 

FRIENDS
My refuge. My strength. My everything. 
My first set of friends broke up because of 3 problems that were just too much for us to handle. I shared a lot with them. We
passed through the first problem. The 2nd one, we passed through it barely. The last one, I just gave up. I couldn't take it anymore. But I guess it's better this way, no longer that close, so that when we meet each other, we'd definitely say we missed each other. :)
My second set of friends and the last one for the 1st yr. I called them ANiM. I was the founder, you know? Lol. Feb 16, anniversary natin. 

GRADES
Failure. Success.
It's a matter of choice and sacrifice. I may not have ended as a DL. But I succeeded. Why? I had this big goal to be DL from an average for the 3rd qtr of 1.83. Pretty far, right? In my twisted mind, I could do it. Yet, in the darkness of my soul, I knew it was close to impossible. I dreamed hard. I strived hard. I actually studied for exams and quizzes. The prize was so far from me.  My hands were reaching as far as it can. I physically and mentally abused myself. And now, I succeed. I got a final grade of 1.53. A difference of 0.3. So big? Yes, that's why I'm proud. But not big enough? True, it wasn't,  but I don't look at it as a failure yet a success. Who can do that in just quarter with the Achievement Tests trying to pull your grades down? 

TEACHERS
Hustle. Loyalty. Respect. 
The words of my wrestling idol, John Cena. Hustle? It means to cheat. No, I don't mean that it's right to cheat. But there are still those who do. It pains me to say this. But...Teachers cheat to. A classmate of mine admitted to me that a teacher said to him/her that she/he will make his/her grade 1.0 since he/she gave effort during the quarter. Loyalty? To be loyal is to obey. We, as students obey our dear beloved teachers. But the funny thing is, they obey us too. I have this one teacher who is manipulated by his students. Example: We would have a quiz. Then, the class would whine and say that it's too hard. He would make it easier by letting us open our books in 1 minute. But the 1 minute ended up to be "anytime you want to stop". Talk about Students overpowering the teachers. Respect? Respect our teachers. But why is that we just don't? Dang. If you call giving respect by greeting your teacher HelLosir, then you must be retarded. Btw, I started that. Gold, gaya-gaya kayo! Lol. Just kidding. If you think giving respect is sleeping on his/her class, then you're mind is wack. 

"2nd Yr na ako!" That thought just creeps me out. 

Goals for 2nd yr:
1. Never quit. 
No matter how many subjects, I'll take everything day-by-day. That means, no more cramming! That's if I can...
2. End up victorious.
And finally be a DL student. Enough said.

In the words of those who have twisted minds like me:
Quitters never WIN.
Winners never QUIT.
But those who never quit and win are IDIOTS.

:))

current mood: high

After facials, my mom, sister and I went back to the car to go to Chimes to shop for my sister's clothes for the Farewell party they're going to have for their class. 

The first song that I heard in 89.1 was No Ordinary Love.

No. I am not in love but I know someone who is.

She is someone who is close to me and what I classified as "bestfriend" but she's not telling me anything, as in anything.

I have had this "suspisions" last year but last year she was still confused with 2 guys. She didn't tell me. I discovered it.

Once upon a time, I browsed through her Fster profile. I saw people who seem close to her giving her testimonials. I viewed the profiles of those people. I again viewed her proffie and saw a very intriguing blog entry.  asked her, "What's wrong?". Although, it was obvious what was wrong. I just wanted her to tell me but she didn't. Then, there were following blogs which seemed to be like she chose a guy already. I think there were 3 blogs about it. I was happy for her. I was just waiting for her to tell me. But she didn't.

She let me read this story that her teacher made. It was entitled "Dubious Daisy". There were 2 guys. She was confused but eventually, she chose "the guy". The guys' namer were Max and Jake. Incidentally, I was viewing her proffie and there was a "Jake" in one of her Friends List. I viewed the guy's proffie and they seem to be close and both emo/mooshy. I thought I was sure of my theory. But I wanted her to tell me.

I thought that maybe it was just another fling. No relationships involved. But she has become more emo and mooshy with her YM stats, blog entries and shout-outs. It was definitely serious.

We were chatting. She teased me because of my answers in one of the surveys. I thought that maybe this was the time I told her indirectly that I knew what was going on because she one of her answer in the survey was a bit "intriguing" with the word "Mahal". I IMed her her answer and said, "*ehem* May itinatago nga bah?". She said, "duh. haha. haha." I said, "explain yourself". Then, she signed out. 

I guess that's a yes. But that doesn't seem good enough. I want her to explain.

I'm just going to have to wait for her to open up.

P.S. No Ordinary Love is their theme song according to her and once again, I just read that in her surveys. =( 

current mood: confused